Goodbye baby

Ok I know more explanation is in order for the demise of Hammy. Unknown causes, I guess. Here's a conversation with a friend, reminiscing the good times with little Hammy. In a way, this will be my little lack-of-time tribute to my baby.

Friend: eh murderer, how yr hammy chew the cage? thats freaking fiberglass rite?
Me: Haha. I dunno leh. You know that red cover thing in the picture? There's holes for him to breathe right? Somehow he manages to kind of enlarge one of the holes. He bites it till it becomes big
Friend: wah! maddness
Me: He's quite a persistent little fella. Got attitude one.
Me: The last cage I bought for him, he bite through the plastic until he can actually put half his body out. But he's too fat around the midsection, so he got stuck in the middle. WHAHAHAHHA! And he was kinda suspended in midair the whole day until I came back from work and rescued him. Hence I bought the new cage.
Friend: WAHAHa
Me: He's very cute lah. I miss him.
Friend: sigh. i noe..
Friend: dun like tt lar. i treat u makan ok
Me: Haha. Dun need lah. I'm ok.
Me: Then yesterday I took the morning off to have a little funeral for him. Then I used a fork and spoon to sort of lift him out of the cage. His body was still soft!! I was so tempted to stroke him! He looked so peaceful in his sleep.
Friend: WAH LIEW. let him sleep then! peace at last
Me: He was freaking dead lah.
Friend: away from u the evil murder
Me: Haha.
Friend: murderer
Me: I never murder him!! I keep giving him food leh! But he was so tiny.. He was just very furry, so sometimes the pictures a bit unflattering lah. Wahahaha! But he very fit and slim one. Wahhaha
Friend: wahaha! bitch leh!
Friend: u cheer up lar! i think he is happier this way
Me: Haha. Yeah. In heaven got a lot of food.

Hamilton Chang Peng Boon: 14 Feb 2006 - 6 Dec 2007

This is a fond farewell to my little friend, my lovable roommate, my trusted companion. Maybe we'll meet in heaven.

Rest in peace.

I miss you so much baby.

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Update: I was sitting in the bus listening to these two chinese women speaking to each other with a pretentious English accent. Gaaaaaahhh!!

Get with the programme laaah!! You're in fucking Singapore!

Robbers snatch dog poo

A Chinese woman has told how robbers snatched a parcel of dog poo wrapped in newspaper out of her hand outside a bank.

Mrs Chen, of Laohekou city, was waiting in the bank to withdraw money when nature suddenly called for her dog.

"While I was waiting in the queue, my dog had to poo. So I asked for several pieces of newspaper to wrap the poo," she said.

After wrapping it, Chen left the bank, and was waiting to cross the street to throw the parcel into a rubbish bin when the robber struck."

A motorcycle stopped swiftly before me, the man on the rear seat seized the package from me, and they sped away," she said.

Police are investigating the case while "laughing at the stupidity of the robbers", according to Chutian City Papers.

Calvin and his nonsense

Calvin: HEY! ive been so busy and havent got time to contact you but rmember I LOVE YOU!
Me: Haha! Awww.. So sweet.. I love you too!
Calvin: yay! the world is full of LURV!
Me: Hm. Have you been taking these little pills?
Calvin: how did you know about the pills?
Me: Heh heh. Let's just call it a hunch.
Calvin: i think ure acquainted, that's what i think. stop acting like ure a camel.

Geddit? Camel? Hunch? Wahahahhaha.

Incident with Mag

YC wanted me to update my blog with more juicy stuff. And just as well that this thing came up.

Short sentences ok? I'm tired.

I was on duty this evening. On the way back, they dragged me off to this food tasting thing. I informed them I was on duty. They said never mind, it's ok. Since my "boss", Mag, said it was ok, then fine, I'll go.

Turned out that I wouldn't be back in time for roll call and had to get 2 boarders to help take attendance. But I'd still have to do the lights out round to make sure everyone's in bed. When I reached the hostel, I went to the common room and found 4 boarders sitting around and
chatting. They told me they have permission from Noemi (no the spelling IS like that), the new AHM. I told them Noemi is not on duty, I am. They insisted she's on duty. I called up the office and confirmed that I'm on duty. Mag somehow found out that I'm not happy that Noemi is
doing duty for me. We tried talking, but stupid Blackberry isn't cooperating, and I kept getting cut off. I send her this sms:

Ok la, we leave it as it is. I'm not ungrateful, just that I need to know before I scold the kids for asking permission from the wrong ahm. We had this problem with lilian v for the longest time when she was hm and anyhow gave permission, and don't want it recurring again.

Then she sends me this sms.

I think u should work wif a team in mind. D kids will explain n u can verify. Like u would verify with andrew. Must we be scolding boarders like they r dirt. generally 2nd floor r older n jc boarder who r preparing for prelim.

I was FURIOUS!!

I tried composing this sms:

Much as I hate to pick a fight with you yet again, and I think you're afraid to answer my call, I have to say this. I resent what you said about me treating boarders like dirt. I want you to take it back because it is not true. I had a legitimate reason for scolding them because they were up past lights out without the permission of the AHM on duty (which is me, by the way. I was not informed of anyone who is covering me.). If you want to talk about a team mentality, here's a thought. You should let me know when someone is doing my duty. Someone playing as a team
should not be keeping the big picture to herself only.

Then I decided to cool it, so sent this sms to Andrew.

Me: I almost picked a fight with mag just now. She said I treat the boarders like dirt, and that I'm not a team player.
Andrew: How come? When did you two talk? Why is mag antagonising ahms like this?
Me: [And I told him the story from the beginning]
Andrew: Yikes. Sounds ugly.
Me: And she mentioned you, because she dunno that you get whacked sometimes for doing stupid shit too. Her sms to me: "I think u should work wif a team in mind. D kids will explain n u can verify. Like u would verify with andrew. Must we be scolding boarders like they rdirt. generally 2nd floor r older n jc boarder who r preparing for prelim."
Andrew: Why am i always dragged into such things? I cannot see how i can be relevant to this issue.
Me: I dunno. Convenient scapegoat? Heh. She thinks I'm a difficult ahm to handle and that I hate her and only listen to you.
Andrew: Sigh. If she displays leadership like that, no wonder no one listens to her.
Me: Argh. I have no respect for her, but at the same time, I'm worried I'm turning into an irate and difficult person! But accusations like that I cannot swallow! :(
Andrew: Well. I have always felt that things are difficult for ahms as they do their duties at night as it is after a long days' work and everyone's tempers and selfcontrol are short. Much better to wait till morning to talk things over. I think to guard against becoming irate and nasty, you need to keep in priority the boarders' needs and their welfare. If you do that, you'll not go too wrong. Trouble with mag is that she craves approval from the older boarders and ends up like a pale
version of kris.
Me: I'm afraid I'll end up covering my ego and masquerading it as concern for boarders. This has nothing to do with boarders. They were wrong to stay up without permission. If they do, it's ok. But only from the ahm on duty. But that's where the problem begins, because her communication is so poor.

Anyway, talked to Mag shortly after, and admittedly, it didn't start off well. Here's the sms I sent to Andrew to summarise the half hour conversation.

Just talked to Mag. She told me other AHMs don't give her a problem, but I told her it's cuz I got no respect for her. I told her it's her fault communication was bad. She admitted, but said that reports came back from 2 boarders that I scream at them, hence the "treat boarder like dirt". Got 2 incidents, and one of them was my fault, have already apologized to Karen a week after the incident. In the end we ended off quite peacefully.

What I didn't manage to say in the SMS without extending it into a 2 page essay, was that she brought up so many issues, one of which is the fact that I would willingly listen to Andrew but not her; that I would consult him and not her, and that I would fly off the handle if it's her that hindered me in my work. I told her that Andrew would get the same treatment unless he were able to explain clearly the reasons for his actions. And told her point blank that her communication was bad, and that she was not very bright. But she of course retaliated by insinuating that I had mood swings and that I was rather unreasonable. And she cited 2 incidents where I "screamed" at boarders. Incident 1 was not screaming, it was a threat of punishment, and incident 2 *was* screaming (and it was kinda my fault also), but was resolved quite soon
after the event. There was a rationale behind the screaming; it had to do with my frustration for her not wanting to reach her full potential, and some form of defiance on her part.

Anyway, it was over, and I am glad. I mean, I am glad to be leaving soon.

Do you know "The Secret"?

I have heard about "The Secret" for about a week or so now.

Just today, I was talking to YC about The Secret (because she mentioned that she read from Val's blog that Val believes it), and I was suddenly seized with the urge to read the book, just to find out what is the furor that has taken America by storm. I suppose it was also because I'm just being the nerd that I am.

I downloaded a copy of the book from some website, and started reading... for 10 minutes. It is a huge, steaming pile of rotting faeces. I'm not saying it because it's some new age bullshit crap. Wait a minute, it IS because it's some new age bullshit crap. Here's a sample of the sort of brain-rot she feeds her readers.

"Thoughts are magnetic, and thoughts have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the Universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. Everything sent out returns to the source. And that source is You."

"The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that "like attracts like", consequently the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature."

So based on that premise, if I want to be a trader, I just have to visualize myself a trader? If I want a Volvo C70, I just need to walk into a dealership and imagine that I'm insanely rich? Then the world will be full of quadrillionaires (especially in America, where they have more than their fair share of morons who subscribe to this baloney) and there will be massive inflation. Or maybe there won't be inflation because people don't have to buy stuff, they can just wish it into
being.

What happens when different people wish opposite outcomes of the same thing? For example, MidEast terrorist wish to blow Americans to kingdom come, and Americans want to rule the world. And beauty queens want world peace. What happens then?

Not only does this pose an intellectual quagmire to those of us who have trouble visualizing this whole hog-vomit, it smells suspiciously like an unfortunate blend of motivation-speak, new ageism, rat entrails, 2-month old leftover food and the like.

And the best thing is, if this doesn't work, she blames it on you, you poor excuse for hamster dropping.

"When you are trying to work out how it will happen, you are emitting a frequency that contains a lack of faith.... The how is not your part in the Creative Process."

You know what is the one thing that Rhonda Byrnes knows that perhaps much of America doesn't? That Americans (not to mention Val) are stupid enough and gullible enough to swallow her swill.

Verdict: This book is colossally stupid. Don't waste your time. I didn't.

Conversation with W

I had this quite funny conversation with a friend. It started by him firstly insulting my appearance.

W says: And I'm going to make your latest blog rant entry, aren't I?
I say: Haha. I'm not so superficial. Just getting some external info. I pride myself more on being intelligent than being beautiful. Though that doesn't hurt I guess.
W says: Oh trust me, of your intelligence I have no doubt.
I say: Haha. You're just saying that. Wait.. Though that can go both ways. Haha.
W says: Um...no. You also do realise I have this aversion to idiots, right?
I say: Ooh! I used to have that complex too
W says: But working life breeds it out of you?
I say: Then in this industry, I realise that I kinda fall on the other end. I'm not sure if I'm just intimidated by their loud voices rather than their logic, but I always feel dumb after a discussion.
W says: I tend to feel that way too with I'm with loud people...even if I think they're idiots. Might be the volume.
I say: Yeah.. And the speed at which they speak
W says: I have to deal with idiots on a daily basis...and I'm not talking about the kids.
I say: Haha. I think this is a funny conversation. You might make the blog after all.

Wahahaha. This guy has got to be the most cynical person I know. And the conversation continues.

W says: I mean...hello, why even bother to backstab a contract teacher? I'll be off to NIE in less than a year...there's no point whacking me...but some do. And these are idiots with the "I've taught for more than 10 years" complex. Its like...if you want to make Dean or something...whack someone who actually counts...
I say: Haha. You're right. But maybe it's really a complex. If it were strategic, then they would whack whoever counts. Now it's just a personalityi defect.
W says: Exactly...or maybe they're just too stupid to realise that I'm not a threat

I'm not sure why I found that funny. Heh heh. But it is lah. :P

I have lots to post, and I haven't done enough. But here's a morsel for your entertainment for now. Maybe I'll blog more when I'm on the bus.

God's faithfulness

I was listening to this amazing sermon this morning. This is an excerpt
of it. I actually took the trouble to type it out.

********************************
Friends, when you are in the midst of temptation, the first thing you've gotta think about is the truth, that God is faithful. Don't' let your mind go to "I don't wanna do this". Don't let the first thing you think about be "Oh, I don't wanna get into trouble". Don't even make the first stop the consequences of sin, although you should deal with that reality.

The first thing you should think about when in the midst of temptation, when your heart is drawn away from the Lord, is to think about how good God is. It's to think that HE IS FAITHFUL - God is faithful. And it doesn't matter that all the emotions in your heart are shouting the opposite, those feelings are lying to you, the truth is in the word of God - GOD IS FAITHFUL.

He IS faithful.

He's being faithful to you right now.

And don't measure God's faithfulness by the ease of your life. Don't measure God's faithfulness by a headache-free existence. Don't measure God's faithfulness by a conflict-free relationship. Don't measure God's faithfulness by what you see in your life - How easy your life is, how nice your life is. Measure God's faithfulness by the cross of Jesus Christ. That is where you are to look. God who did not spare His own son so that our sins can be forgiven. Jesus who laid down His life while we were yet sinners and rebels against him - That's the depth of God's love. That's the measure of God's love. Measure the faithfulnes of GOd by His promises - That he would never leave us nor forsake us. He will always be with us. God is faithful. Cling to that truth, because when you are looking on and gazing on a faithful God, when you are recalling all of His faithfulness in your life, our sin is a pale, empty thing, when you are gazing upon that God. That God who has never done anything but good to you.

Our brothers and sisters, He never promised us a pain-free existence. He never promised us a life that was free of suffering. Jesus went to the cross to redeem us from our suffering, so that we can have hope in the midst of suffering. You might be in the midst of a trial - God is using that for your good. God is with you. He is faithful.
*****************************************

-Joshua Harris, Covenant Life Church

A marriage bashing joke

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top

I had a tough day

Frankly, I did.

To start it off, I fucked up a tender (if you will pardon the language, I'll explain later). I got repremanded by the boss for it, although it was partially his fault. So says Zack.

Secondly, I got "persecuted" in cell group. This one I'll explain later as well - You'll see the pieces coming together.

Thirdly, a slightly unpleasant scene happened on the way home from cell group. Here's how it goes, approximately:

Friend, wife and I want to get a cab back from cell group. Cab 1 stops right in front of us, but had a plate that said Jurong. We were going towards town. Friend jumped into the cab anyway, and cabbie refuses to take him, especially after he said he wanted to stop off in Bt Merah to pick something up. Friend reluctantly gets out of the cab, and did not shut the door properly as he left. Cabbie reached over to shut the door, and I helped him. Friend stopped me, saying that he did it intentionally because the cabbie was an asshole. He goes on to complain that cabbies in Singapore are inconsiderate, because they don't get out of the car to help him with pram. He says it's their responsibility - part of their job, and most of them have attitude problems. I could not take it any longer and told him that he shouldn't be behaving this way, especially just after coming from cell group. (Obviously there will be people who will protest to this, but hold your tongues, let me finish my story.)

Cab 2 came along not long after. We told him we wanted to stop at 2 places, and he sheepishly told us he has another "call" (which means pickup) soon after, and cannot possibly do both stops. Friend later says that "he *says* he has a call, but I didn't hear him pick up the phone", essentially saying the fellow is lying. At this point I didn't bother to correct him anymore.

Here's the part where I explain everything.

What happened in cell group that caused me to be "persecuted" was essentially that I shared a very harsh, honest and unflattering view of my own spiritual life. I told them how I was at a peculiar stage of my life where I was very far away from God and not willing to go back. Apparently this confession was abhorrant to most Christians, so I was not surprised that I had a mini-counselling cum lecture cum bible teaching cum warning cum prayer thing going on. I started to feel the pall of everyone's pity hanging over me like an accursed curtain. I should have said that everything was peaches. It would have been just another lie, no big deal. But I didn't. For some reason, I didn't.

I've always been someone who's very self-aware. I know exactly what's going on, the sort of psychoses that I have, my sort of personality, and the likely way that I would respond in any given situation. And I guess I tend to be rather harsh on myself, in the same measure that I am harsh on others. And I didn't want to be another one of those hypocrites in our midst:-

- the people who would at one moment profess to love God and have compassion on the unreached and do missions, and another moment criticise and bully poor cabbies. My boss who is a non-christian, a pathological liar, and a worshipper of Mammon would not even do this.

- christian ministry staff who are openly defiant to their bosses and people to whom they are indirectly accountable to

- professing christians who are confrontational and very much itching for a fight at every given moment, and who use insulting/hurtful/unedifying words

- professing christians who go through the motions of going to church, attending chapel, reading the bible etc, and who are vengeful and vindictive to co-workers and subordinates

These are just a few examples of "christians" that I know. So I hope you'll forgive me if I opt not to stumble my pre-believing friends. I believe that Christians have a heavy cross to bear (figuratively speaking) in witnessing to their friends through the unsaid rather than the said, and the responsibility weighs on them. Paul, in his epistle to the Corinthians, told them that eating meat sacrificed to idols was acceptable, because idols are simply statues, and food is food. But if your action of eating meat sacrificed to idols can cause someone who is a young christian to believe that you are sinning, then the Apostle has this to say:

"For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall." (1 Cor 8:9-13)

Of course, the more biblically schooled among you will tell me that this passage is about the difference in treatment of information for mature vis-a-vis immature christians. And in some sense, that is right as well. But I'm interpreting this from another angle, not that the above hypocritical behaviours are alright as long as it is done in front of mature christians.

In a nutshell, this explains my earlier expletive. Because it feels good to swear. Because anger releases me. Because gossip relieves me of bordom. Because I want to complain about others. Because I sometimes want to show disdain. Because I know I can do a better job. Because I don't want to be bound by others' expectations. Because I'm a backslided Christian.

But whatever it is, the foundation is there. The God I know is safely tucked away in my heart. The experiences that I have had with God are undeniable. I can continue sinning. I can consciously or unconsciously reject God. I don't know if I'll go to heaven for pushing God's grace to the limit the way I do. Perhaps not. But God's grace is.. God's grace. I have experienced that irresistable lure. I know that I'll return someday. When I return, it will be for the love of God, not for the clamouring of eternal life.

This might not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. I wish to escape the expectations of being a christian, yet go about my life trying to make little impacts on others. If I slip, I slip. At least I would tell them that real christians won't behave the way I do - they are held to a higher - an eternal - standard. If I don't slip, well, I can always look for an opportunity to share. Yes, christians are not perfect, but we can certainly try to behave better. Once I can muster up the humility to obey God...

Well, we'll cross that one when we come to it.

Wah steady lor!

For some reason that post didn’t post. Anyway, here it is again.

These guys mean business...  Good stuff.  Har har.

BEIJING (Reuters) - Hundreds of armed men clashed with about 300 migrant workers on strike against a power company in southern China, injuring 11, state media reported on Monday.

The migrants, who had stopped work at the end of last week to demand four months' of unpaid wages, accused the owner of the company in Heyuan city, Guangdong province, of paying 200 to 300 people to attack them.

"The first batch of about 50 gangsters came with spades in their hands, and the second batch had axes, steel pipes and sabres, and there were more behind them," the official Xinhua news agency quoted one worker as saying.

A Heyuan city government spokesman told Xinhua that one of the workers was in critical condition.

Rights groups say China's estimated 200 million migrant workers -- who in recent years have flocked from the vast, poor countryside to the booming cities -- often lack health care, may have their pay withheld and are vulnerable to exploitation.

Amnesty International criticised the government in a recent report for not doing enough to protect migrant workers from the widespread and institutionalised discrimination they face.

Xinhua said police had detained four employees of Fuyuan Hydropower Development Co. after the incident.

However, the Heyuan city spokesman denied that there had been a mass assault, saying it involved about 30 migrant workers and other company staff.

Local media denounced the incident in unusually strongly worded editorials, alleging collusion between the power firm and local government officials, and drawing parallels with the recent furore over forced labour in brick kilns in the north.

[Update]: Reports indicate that one guy died from this fracas.

Nursery Rhymes

Today, children, I will talk about how the songs that you listen to are evil and cynical, and how you are not to blame for being a self-centred and wicked generation.

Three blind mice, Three blind mice
See how they run! See how they run!
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice.

Moral: Teaching the young to start chopping the tails off harmless little rodents.

Baa, baa black sheep, Have you any wool
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for my master, And one for my dame
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane.

Moral: It's ok to be gullible and unsuspecting of people, and keep the good stuff for those who will one day slaughter and eat you.

Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

Moral 1: It is alright for a canny dog to laugh at his friend who was so alarmed that he jumped over a moon.
Moral 2: Stupid and impossible things that have no causality or meaning can be taught to a young child through nursery rhymes.

Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one, And down he run,
Hickory dickory dock.

Moral: Stick booby traps in your clock to strike harmless rodents (Hur hur. Yes, I know "struck" doesn't mean "hit" in this rhyme.)

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
So the itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!

Moral: Little insects are very resilient and need to be killed with more than rainwater.

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
And I don't like it very much

Oh no (oh no) he swallowed my toe (he swallowed my toe)
Oh me (oh me) he swallowed my knee (he swallowed my knee)
Oh fiddle (oh fiddle) he's up to my middle (he's up to my middle)
Oh heck (oh heck) he swallowed my neck (he swallowed my neck)
Oh - (GULP!)

Moral: 'Nuff said.

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together in a little crooked house.

Moral 1: If you find money, it belongs to you. Just like if you find a cellphone in a taxicab.
Moral 2: All crooks live together. Hang around with crooks and you will become like one of them.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Moral: This is just plain disgusting.

This little piggie went to market, This little piggie stayed home.
This little piggie had roast beef, This little piggie had none.
And this little piggie cried, "Wee! Wee! Wee!" all the way home.

Moral: Some people work, some people sit around and eat. Some people are lazy-ass bastards. If you don't get what you want, you can cry and make a big fuss.

Pirates... Who stole my Monday evening!

So. Watched Pirates of the Carribean last night. Screw spoilers, I'm gonna complain, so if you're dying to watch the show, don't read on. Though I advise you keep your money and give me a treat instead for saving you 3 hours of your time. I thought the show sucked (you might have guessed). The jokes were quite predictable and slapstick. What's with the peanut? It's really not that funny.

And Calypso.. They should have known it was her from the time when she said "Davy Jones is a MAN" in this sort of breathy voice as she stared into the sea yonder. And how she kept defending him. And how she had these mysterious magical powers carried over from Carribean 2.

And when Will was stabbed in the heart, the camera cut to Jack Sparrow with a knife poised over Davy Jones' beating heart, the answer was obvious, although they only showed Will plunging the knife into the heart like 10 minutes later. So what happened to my 10 minutes in the middle? Fighting. More fighting. Special effects and fish people. Then some more fighting. Grrr. Like, get on with the story will you?

I don't get slapstick humour. I mean, I'm not daft or anything; I know in my mind that, "ok, here's the part that's supposed to be funny", but I don't understand *how* it's funny, and it doesn't make me laugh. Blackadder is still one of the funniest comedies ever made.

Not to be unappreciative or anything, the show is like any other predictable Hollywood sequel 3 type-movie - Formulaic, only mildly entertaining, and, it sometimes seems, a thorough waste of time.

The $3000 calculator

This is a report from my shipping director in the US.

The market was dead today so here’s a funny story to keep you awake: Ken Back*es of ST/Glen*core chartered a ship to Toby For*rest of Vi*tol. Toby complained that Ken’s calculations were wrong and wanted to see his calculator. So.. Ken physically mailed his little 10-key calculator to Toby. Ha ha funny, right? But Ken wanted his calculator back. So Toby said, “ok you can buy it back.. I’m putting it on E-bay.” The bid is now up to $2,470.00 (don’t forget the $2 shipping)! You too can bid on Ken’s Special Voyage Earnings Calculator at this link! http://cgi.ebay.com/Kens-Special-Voyage-Earnings-Calculator_W0QQitemZ250117924005QQihZ015QQcategoryZ3294QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZ

Since E-Bay deletes its items ever so often, here's a screenshot for posterity.

Tornado!!

So I was calmly doing my work, trying to catch up on the last two days, when the girl sitting behind me yelped in excitement. She pointed speechlessly to the window, and this was what we saw.



It started off by being rather far away, but started looming ever nearer even as we watched it negotiate amongst the vessels in the open sea. (We were hoping that one of those vessels weren't ours.. That would be a couple million more in damages!) My boss was joking that the captain must be shitting in his pants watching the tornado.

Apparently, lots of people working around here saw it too, and the pictures started circulating rapidly in the industry.

This is what Sandro saw:


This is what my shipping broker saw:


Me: It was quite scary lor
Me: It was quite far away, then started looming larger..
Me: And it started moving amongst the ships..
Me: Haha. That was quite scary! We were praying that one of them isn't the Trust [one of our vessels] man..
Broker: aiya this type can only suck in fish and prawns
Broker: ships just feel ticklish

Heh heh. Told you he was funny.

Anyway, here's the explanation from a friend's friend who's an MOE scholar with an Oxford masters in Geography.

~~~~~~~~~
That's a waterspout.

Happens when you have a mass of air rushing into an area of low pressure. See it lots in tropical areas where weather is hot (therefore area of low pressure, Hot air rises = low pressure).

Prob a storm happening in further Indian ocean or something.. bringing in cold air mass. As the differentiated air masses converges, the funnel forms.

If you wondering why the ships are not drawn up and destroyed, its because the water of the funnel is not drawn up from the sea, but rather the condensation of water vapour around the low-pressure centre where the air masses merges.

Harmless one la.

Is it just me?

...or is this quite funny?

Me: Hey! Have you heard of any oman refinery export recently?
Broker: wat abt that?
Me: Nothing lah.. Just wondering if you know anything about that. Platts is asking me, and we dun do crude mah.
Broker: aiya they're like blind spider anyhow jump
Broker: didnt even check then straight away post out their questions
Me: Your analogy is so funny
Broker: yah sometime they sent to multiple people on their yahoo list to ask
Me: Blind spider will anyhow jump meh?

Haha. I love his analogy man. He's damn funny.

Anyway, I did this thing last night cuz I was really bored. 2 days of MC can really drive a person insane. (Haha, you people. Don't even think about saying it.)



In a separate email conversation I had with Andrew,

Me:
I think this is hilarious! Not the most perfect fit, but…


Andrew:
Is that all I am worth ??!!!

Me:
Less.. But they didn’t have coins lah. :D
Gosh I keep farting today.

Andrew:
:finger

Me:
So crass. Tsk tsk.

Andrew:
:finger (left hand)
:finger (right hand)

Me:
Can’t decide if my response should be this:


Or this:


Andrew:
the second defintely since you are already farting non-stop

Me:
Since you mentioned…

Values

I’m feeling a little under the weather today, yet have to be at work because the boss isn’t around, and someone needs to give the analysis for the trade window.

Something stirred inside me when I read Christabel's blog entries. I guess part of it had to do with my own experience with adolescence and even though I was more centred and having less extreme emotions, I struggled. Yes, I did. I struggled with approval, with peer pressure, with homosexuality, with doubt, with esteem issues, with academics (or disinterest thereof), with authority, with popularity. The human emotion can sometimes be a tempest of wild and unabating extremeties. I guess she would have to fight her own demons. I have faith that she will survive, and emerge victorious.

A short analogy comes to mind at this point: There once was a thief that broke into a supermarket one night, as one would break into an apartment. But this thief did a very strange thing; instead of stealing items from the shelves, he swapped price tags on the items on the shelves. He would take the price tag off an expensive item and put it on a cheap item, and vice versa.

Strange, isn't it? But it really isn't, because this is what the devil seeks to do to us in the world. He would take what was unimportant, of little value, and swap it with an item of great value. Because of that, the world becomes confused, and imagines the item with the expensive price tag to be one of great value, when only God knows the true value of the items on the shelves. Things like popularity, money, career, social standing, beauty - These become items of great value, and integrity, love, contentment, respect are relegated to the bottom of the priority list.

Christabel, the Bible says this:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. (John 10:10-11)

This is what I would tell my students, and something I constantly remind myself: That price that Jesus paid for me? That's my value. That's what I'm worth. I should never allow the world to put a price tag on me.

Personality Disorder Test

So I was doing this test that I found on Christabel's blog. Wahaha. Ok, I'm quite well adjusted lah.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Good job, me! (As you can see, the narcissism is starting to show).

A few of the AHMs and even HMs have been accusing me of being massively hormonal. I found that to be quite strange, because I used to pride myself on being quite consistent. Obviously, I didn't think much of it until recently when it occurred to me that, looking from a boarder's perspective, my consistency could very well be construed as being slightly crazy.

See, I compartmentalize. This means that it doesn't matter that someone's my favourite boarder, and just 3 minutes ago, we were having a wonderful discussion about my pet hamster. If in the next half a minute, I find out that she has disobeyed the rules, I will come down as hard on her as I would the next guy. I would scold her, and dish out the punishment, and then after that's over, I will resume my chat. Obviously that's quite an extreme example, but the lines are quite clear for me. I would be your friend and do all the things friends would do for each other, but I would rarely, if ever, use my AHM position to grant privileges to a favourite boarder that I would not do for another normal boarder. And if I *do* grant privileges to a favourite boarder that I deny to another boarder, it is because that favourite boarder has proven to be worthy of trust.

See, it sounds complex, but really isn't. And I really am not crazy.

Performance Fest

I judged at the Performance Festival tonight in the hostel. I resolved at the beginning of the event that I would be tactful with my words. Alas, I guess I screwed up because I accidentally made a comment that went something like, "you chose a wrong song". And one of our boarders didn't have any qualms making his opinion known that I should not have said that about the song. It was uncharacteristic of me to be affected by this sort of thing, but I felt lousy the rest of the night.

Talking to Calvin, thankfully, made me feel better. He's coming back soon.

Me: Hey! How you?
Calvin: heyhey! im good
Calvin: youyouYOU?
Me: Not so good..
Calvin: what is it?
Calvin: do you have skype?
Me: Don't have..
Me: It's ok, I'm good..
Calvin: something obviously is bothering you. What is it?
Me: Yeah but it's really not worth mentioning. I'm just moping.
Calvin: alright, if you wont say. there are always things you can do with money to buy some happiness. Like splurging on ice cream or going to the spa.
Me: Haha.. Buying happiness... I can't really buy happiness, my dear.. It's too expensive..
Calvin: expensivity is relative. Happiness is crucial to living. What's the wortth of money if you can't buy a little happiness when you need it?
Me: Hehe. But I'm not earning enough to be happy.. Happiness is a Volvo C70.
Calvin: buy a smaller happy
Calvin: hey do you like to watch taiwanese variety shows?
Calvin: there is this interview that is very funny... you should watch it
Me: Haha. I don't like leh.
Me: The cheapest happy is just talking to you on MSN.. So I'm doing that lah.
Calvin: good to know im a happy and cheap too
Calvin: get a javanese massage! i know where you can go to get that.
Calvin: Or go sun tanning tomorrow
Me: Heh. There's church tomorrow..
Me: And ticklish, so massage won't work!
Calvin: you are hard to please, honey
Calvin: bake brownies then
Me: Heh. Good idea. It's 12.57am in the morning. I'm sure skulking around the hostel pantry is a normal thing to do over there but it's a wee bit different here!
Calvin: oh well..... order a pizza and some spicy wings... make friends with the delivery guy and have some beer together
Calvin: it's tomorrow before you know it
Me: Haha. You're insane do you know that? That, my dear, is the reason why I talk to you.


Yup. That's the reason. On hindsight, I don't think I was really wrong. It was the truth after all, and I don't think I said it in a way that was tactless or wrong. They chose "Bring Me Back To Life", which was a really popular song and notoriously difficult to sing. With that level of difficulty, pulling it off will take another level of skill. Although they might have been superior technically (with all the electrical equipment), there was a greater chance of screwing up, and the fact that the guitar amp *did* screw up didn't help.

Whatever. I think my mistake tonight was that I made an effort to give comments that I thought would help them perform better in the future, rather than the standard "I enjoyed myself".

The Perfect Diet (for me)

You start with a cup of coffee in the morning. Latte. Lots of milk.

Then it's emptying the bowels for the large part of the morning.

The effect normally lasts about 4 hours, so take a cup of latte at tea time.

Just in time while your lunch goes into the sewer, as well as the rest of
what you ate in between.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

This is the result of a potent intolerance to a combination of caffeine and
lactose. Or one, or the other.

Madness

I had this one funny conversation with Calvin today. Calvin, if you all remember, is that friend of mine who gave up a prestigious architecture career to study writing. He's now on scholarship in the UK somewhere studying English and Literature. He's developed a quick wit, so I assume he's enjoying himself there.

Me: How are you doing?
Me: Do you have school today?
Calvin: yes, one class.... which im not at all excited about, mainly because the tutor is crazy
Me: Haha. Do tell.
Calvin: he is just crazy not in an endearingly erratic way but just so wannabe sort of madness by making things difficult to grasp when what he's saying is mostly crap
Me: Hahah
Me: This is interesting. Define "wannabe madness"
Calvin: madness cannot be defined, my dear. you should watch him. he fidgets alot and talks wierd
Calvin: "oh, erewhon, erewhon, nowhere nowhere, is victorians nowhere, what is nowhere, nowhere nowhere, erewhon..."
Me: Are you sure?
Me: Hahaha
Me: That's quite surreal...
Calvin: he is not convincing to me
Me: But still, I think trying to be "wannabe mad" qualifies him as crazy in my book.
Calvin: craziness is more subtle.... he deliberately tries to be unusual which is plain irritating
Calvin: he says things like.... "have you considered the shadow your hand casts over the paper when u write, like some ominous shade? the effect it has on writing."
Calvin: we go
Calvin: 10 minutes later we are like get on with THE lesson!
Me: Hahaha
Me: You're so funny!
Calvin: trust me, eel, he's unbearable. i hardly talk in his class. the overbearing silence weighs in the room like madness itself!!!
Me: Wah. Being quite poetic about your angst eh?
Calvin: im an aspiring writer you see. words preserve me.
Me: Yes indeed..
Me: Just let it preserve you then!
Calvin: like pickles
Me: Yeah, then you'll be wrinkly and sour.

Ang pows and the CNY etiquette

There is something crass about the practice of giving angpows during Chinese New Year that I can’t seem to come to terms with. I suppose it’s got to do with the principle of harvesting. You reap nothing, you should not be sowing anything. What have I done that deserves receiving money? Ok, granted that I’ve been a good girl all year, and surely taking money from my parents is justified enough, considering they are after all giving me out of my monthly contribution to the household, and I am only taking a small fraction of what they used to give me. Something they said about earning power being inversely proportional to the size of the angpow. Heh heh.

I never really know how to react when I receive an angpow. Should I exude uncharacteristic ebullience? Should I display effusive ardour? Should I remain nonchalant? Should I crack a joke and pocket the money? I guess traditional CNY etiquette dictates that we should just be polite and take the money with a smile. But then I’d be obliged to stand around and make small talk while the giver enquires about my studies/work/love life/various personal questions about the colour and texture of my faeces. I hate CNY with a vengeance.

On the other hand, taking money is always nice. I’d be stupid to let some minor discomfort like making small talk deter me from taking money from people who are willing to give it. Trader-in-training, I am. Heh heh.

What is disconcerting, however, is the way in which people “celebrate” CNY by demanding angpows like it’s their right. In a joking manner, of course. Whether in a corporate environment or to people higher up on the social order, I think it never is wise to behave indelicately when it comes to matters pertaining to money. This is just my own set of beliefs, but one should never use “face” to force someone into behaving in a way that is not natural or that the person is unwilling to behave in, no matter how wealthy or traditional, poor or stingy. You need always to provide a way out. When I ask questions about sensitive topics, I would never ask directly, and when I do and the person changes the subject or directs the conversation elsewhere, I would never ask it again in that same conversation.

So much for being a straight-shootin’, trash talkin’, ball-beatin’, brash, boorish trader-to-be. Maybe I should be in sales after all. Heh heh.

Surprise!! (Part 2)

So anyway, subsequently, I went back to my room, pottered around and then went for Council meeting. The meeting was at 10:15pm instead of 9:30pm as originally agreed because “they came back late and wanted to bathe and get ready”. Yeah right. To be honest, I half expected them to have something for me, so when I walked into the Council office at 10:25pm and there were only 3 people in there – Ricky, Indora and Grace, I figured it was a normal meeting, and put that thought out of my head.

Me: How come so few?
Grace: Errh.. They’re coming later
Me: How come? (slowly, in a tone they later told me was quite menacing)
Grace: They have to study for their test tomorrow *shrug*
Me: [Sigh] So what’s on the agenda today?

At this point, Ricky jumped up and switched off the lights in the room, and 4 of the councillors popped up from under the table with a chocolate cake with *lit* candles!! And of course they yelled the “Happy Birthday” song in the dark. Heh heh.

The danger signs of a lit candle under a wooden table were apparent immediately but all I was thinking about was how I got duped, and how they managed to squeeze 4 students under that table without Ricky kicking any of them.

Those sweet kids. I should have known better. But I was surprised. They had me.

Surprise!!

Birthdays have always secretly been quite special to me. It used to kill me that this special day is only special to ME, and nobody thinks I'm extra special or anything. After my, like, 21st birthday, I got over the narcissism and decided that it would be a completely regular day, just like any other day.

So it was quite a pleasant surprise when we celebrated my birthday at the hostel today. I was secretly touched, but I didn't tell them, of course! I sent them an email instead. Heh heh.

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 12:09 AM
To: 'OH-AHMs'
Subject: You're welcome.

Hi guys…

Yeah, you can thank me one by one later when you see me for providing you all with an opportunity to get together and eat seafood and have fun. I guess that it’s inevitable that we all want to relax, and it was quite fortuitous of me to have that sort of foresight to see more that 20+ years ago (let’s not be too specific about that) that the staff of Old-ham Hall would be tired out, and in my wisdom, deigned to be born on 30^th January, hence giving everyone an opportunity to meet up and eat yummy food.

Wahaha.

Yeah.. Ahem. Thanks for everything… Thanks for remembering poor us who have no friends and no one to celebrate with when you were planning the seafood party. You only *say* that. We know you love us.

(silence)

I dunno what to say… Except thanks!! *bawl*

Me

Who loves you guys very much too… J

So anyways, this is supposed to be a largely-pictorial entry, so here goes.

First, of course, we trot out the food. This is the spread we had, among other things:



And what's food without people to eat them?



And obviously, the photographer has some baby issues to work out. I'm too lazy to post the sheer number of photos she took of those babies.

There's the obsession with Baby Zoe...



And of course, the obsession with Baby Asher.




(Methinks she was stalking the poor dude)



But who can blame her? Everyone loves babies.

(As you can tell, we didn't have many babies to go around - It's always the same few..)

There's also the cake cutting ceremony - There were 4 of us.

That's the cake



And that's us!




Someone cracked a stupid joke while we were attempting to take pictures.




Old-ham Hall's very own bimbo squad.

All in all I'd say we had fun.



There's nothing in the world quite like the feeling of being an Old-hamite!!