The Perfect Diet (for me)

You start with a cup of coffee in the morning. Latte. Lots of milk.

Then it's emptying the bowels for the large part of the morning.

The effect normally lasts about 4 hours, so take a cup of latte at tea time.

Just in time while your lunch goes into the sewer, as well as the rest of
what you ate in between.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

This is the result of a potent intolerance to a combination of caffeine and
lactose. Or one, or the other.

Madness

I had this one funny conversation with Calvin today. Calvin, if you all remember, is that friend of mine who gave up a prestigious architecture career to study writing. He's now on scholarship in the UK somewhere studying English and Literature. He's developed a quick wit, so I assume he's enjoying himself there.

Me: How are you doing?
Me: Do you have school today?
Calvin: yes, one class.... which im not at all excited about, mainly because the tutor is crazy
Me: Haha. Do tell.
Calvin: he is just crazy not in an endearingly erratic way but just so wannabe sort of madness by making things difficult to grasp when what he's saying is mostly crap
Me: Hahah
Me: This is interesting. Define "wannabe madness"
Calvin: madness cannot be defined, my dear. you should watch him. he fidgets alot and talks wierd
Calvin: "oh, erewhon, erewhon, nowhere nowhere, is victorians nowhere, what is nowhere, nowhere nowhere, erewhon..."
Me: Are you sure?
Me: Hahaha
Me: That's quite surreal...
Calvin: he is not convincing to me
Me: But still, I think trying to be "wannabe mad" qualifies him as crazy in my book.
Calvin: craziness is more subtle.... he deliberately tries to be unusual which is plain irritating
Calvin: he says things like.... "have you considered the shadow your hand casts over the paper when u write, like some ominous shade? the effect it has on writing."
Calvin: we go
Calvin: 10 minutes later we are like get on with THE lesson!
Me: Hahaha
Me: You're so funny!
Calvin: trust me, eel, he's unbearable. i hardly talk in his class. the overbearing silence weighs in the room like madness itself!!!
Me: Wah. Being quite poetic about your angst eh?
Calvin: im an aspiring writer you see. words preserve me.
Me: Yes indeed..
Me: Just let it preserve you then!
Calvin: like pickles
Me: Yeah, then you'll be wrinkly and sour.