Incident with Mag

YC wanted me to update my blog with more juicy stuff. And just as well that this thing came up.

Short sentences ok? I'm tired.

I was on duty this evening. On the way back, they dragged me off to this food tasting thing. I informed them I was on duty. They said never mind, it's ok. Since my "boss", Mag, said it was ok, then fine, I'll go.

Turned out that I wouldn't be back in time for roll call and had to get 2 boarders to help take attendance. But I'd still have to do the lights out round to make sure everyone's in bed. When I reached the hostel, I went to the common room and found 4 boarders sitting around and
chatting. They told me they have permission from Noemi (no the spelling IS like that), the new AHM. I told them Noemi is not on duty, I am. They insisted she's on duty. I called up the office and confirmed that I'm on duty. Mag somehow found out that I'm not happy that Noemi is
doing duty for me. We tried talking, but stupid Blackberry isn't cooperating, and I kept getting cut off. I send her this sms:

Ok la, we leave it as it is. I'm not ungrateful, just that I need to know before I scold the kids for asking permission from the wrong ahm. We had this problem with lilian v for the longest time when she was hm and anyhow gave permission, and don't want it recurring again.

Then she sends me this sms.

I think u should work wif a team in mind. D kids will explain n u can verify. Like u would verify with andrew. Must we be scolding boarders like they r dirt. generally 2nd floor r older n jc boarder who r preparing for prelim.

I was FURIOUS!!

I tried composing this sms:

Much as I hate to pick a fight with you yet again, and I think you're afraid to answer my call, I have to say this. I resent what you said about me treating boarders like dirt. I want you to take it back because it is not true. I had a legitimate reason for scolding them because they were up past lights out without the permission of the AHM on duty (which is me, by the way. I was not informed of anyone who is covering me.). If you want to talk about a team mentality, here's a thought. You should let me know when someone is doing my duty. Someone playing as a team
should not be keeping the big picture to herself only.

Then I decided to cool it, so sent this sms to Andrew.

Me: I almost picked a fight with mag just now. She said I treat the boarders like dirt, and that I'm not a team player.
Andrew: How come? When did you two talk? Why is mag antagonising ahms like this?
Me: [And I told him the story from the beginning]
Andrew: Yikes. Sounds ugly.
Me: And she mentioned you, because she dunno that you get whacked sometimes for doing stupid shit too. Her sms to me: "I think u should work wif a team in mind. D kids will explain n u can verify. Like u would verify with andrew. Must we be scolding boarders like they rdirt. generally 2nd floor r older n jc boarder who r preparing for prelim."
Andrew: Why am i always dragged into such things? I cannot see how i can be relevant to this issue.
Me: I dunno. Convenient scapegoat? Heh. She thinks I'm a difficult ahm to handle and that I hate her and only listen to you.
Andrew: Sigh. If she displays leadership like that, no wonder no one listens to her.
Me: Argh. I have no respect for her, but at the same time, I'm worried I'm turning into an irate and difficult person! But accusations like that I cannot swallow! :(
Andrew: Well. I have always felt that things are difficult for ahms as they do their duties at night as it is after a long days' work and everyone's tempers and selfcontrol are short. Much better to wait till morning to talk things over. I think to guard against becoming irate and nasty, you need to keep in priority the boarders' needs and their welfare. If you do that, you'll not go too wrong. Trouble with mag is that she craves approval from the older boarders and ends up like a pale
version of kris.
Me: I'm afraid I'll end up covering my ego and masquerading it as concern for boarders. This has nothing to do with boarders. They were wrong to stay up without permission. If they do, it's ok. But only from the ahm on duty. But that's where the problem begins, because her communication is so poor.

Anyway, talked to Mag shortly after, and admittedly, it didn't start off well. Here's the sms I sent to Andrew to summarise the half hour conversation.

Just talked to Mag. She told me other AHMs don't give her a problem, but I told her it's cuz I got no respect for her. I told her it's her fault communication was bad. She admitted, but said that reports came back from 2 boarders that I scream at them, hence the "treat boarder like dirt". Got 2 incidents, and one of them was my fault, have already apologized to Karen a week after the incident. In the end we ended off quite peacefully.

What I didn't manage to say in the SMS without extending it into a 2 page essay, was that she brought up so many issues, one of which is the fact that I would willingly listen to Andrew but not her; that I would consult him and not her, and that I would fly off the handle if it's her that hindered me in my work. I told her that Andrew would get the same treatment unless he were able to explain clearly the reasons for his actions. And told her point blank that her communication was bad, and that she was not very bright. But she of course retaliated by insinuating that I had mood swings and that I was rather unreasonable. And she cited 2 incidents where I "screamed" at boarders. Incident 1 was not screaming, it was a threat of punishment, and incident 2 *was* screaming (and it was kinda my fault also), but was resolved quite soon
after the event. There was a rationale behind the screaming; it had to do with my frustration for her not wanting to reach her full potential, and some form of defiance on her part.

Anyway, it was over, and I am glad. I mean, I am glad to be leaving soon.

Do you know "The Secret"?

I have heard about "The Secret" for about a week or so now.

Just today, I was talking to YC about The Secret (because she mentioned that she read from Val's blog that Val believes it), and I was suddenly seized with the urge to read the book, just to find out what is the furor that has taken America by storm. I suppose it was also because I'm just being the nerd that I am.

I downloaded a copy of the book from some website, and started reading... for 10 minutes. It is a huge, steaming pile of rotting faeces. I'm not saying it because it's some new age bullshit crap. Wait a minute, it IS because it's some new age bullshit crap. Here's a sample of the sort of brain-rot she feeds her readers.

"Thoughts are magnetic, and thoughts have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the Universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. Everything sent out returns to the source. And that source is You."

"The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that "like attracts like", consequently the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature."

So based on that premise, if I want to be a trader, I just have to visualize myself a trader? If I want a Volvo C70, I just need to walk into a dealership and imagine that I'm insanely rich? Then the world will be full of quadrillionaires (especially in America, where they have more than their fair share of morons who subscribe to this baloney) and there will be massive inflation. Or maybe there won't be inflation because people don't have to buy stuff, they can just wish it into
being.

What happens when different people wish opposite outcomes of the same thing? For example, MidEast terrorist wish to blow Americans to kingdom come, and Americans want to rule the world. And beauty queens want world peace. What happens then?

Not only does this pose an intellectual quagmire to those of us who have trouble visualizing this whole hog-vomit, it smells suspiciously like an unfortunate blend of motivation-speak, new ageism, rat entrails, 2-month old leftover food and the like.

And the best thing is, if this doesn't work, she blames it on you, you poor excuse for hamster dropping.

"When you are trying to work out how it will happen, you are emitting a frequency that contains a lack of faith.... The how is not your part in the Creative Process."

You know what is the one thing that Rhonda Byrnes knows that perhaps much of America doesn't? That Americans (not to mention Val) are stupid enough and gullible enough to swallow her swill.

Verdict: This book is colossally stupid. Don't waste your time. I didn't.

Conversation with W

I had this quite funny conversation with a friend. It started by him firstly insulting my appearance.

W says: And I'm going to make your latest blog rant entry, aren't I?
I say: Haha. I'm not so superficial. Just getting some external info. I pride myself more on being intelligent than being beautiful. Though that doesn't hurt I guess.
W says: Oh trust me, of your intelligence I have no doubt.
I say: Haha. You're just saying that. Wait.. Though that can go both ways. Haha.
W says: Um...no. You also do realise I have this aversion to idiots, right?
I say: Ooh! I used to have that complex too
W says: But working life breeds it out of you?
I say: Then in this industry, I realise that I kinda fall on the other end. I'm not sure if I'm just intimidated by their loud voices rather than their logic, but I always feel dumb after a discussion.
W says: I tend to feel that way too with I'm with loud people...even if I think they're idiots. Might be the volume.
I say: Yeah.. And the speed at which they speak
W says: I have to deal with idiots on a daily basis...and I'm not talking about the kids.
I say: Haha. I think this is a funny conversation. You might make the blog after all.

Wahahaha. This guy has got to be the most cynical person I know. And the conversation continues.

W says: I mean...hello, why even bother to backstab a contract teacher? I'll be off to NIE in less than a year...there's no point whacking me...but some do. And these are idiots with the "I've taught for more than 10 years" complex. Its like...if you want to make Dean or something...whack someone who actually counts...
I say: Haha. You're right. But maybe it's really a complex. If it were strategic, then they would whack whoever counts. Now it's just a personalityi defect.
W says: Exactly...or maybe they're just too stupid to realise that I'm not a threat

I'm not sure why I found that funny. Heh heh. But it is lah. :P

I have lots to post, and I haven't done enough. But here's a morsel for your entertainment for now. Maybe I'll blog more when I'm on the bus.

God's faithfulness

I was listening to this amazing sermon this morning. This is an excerpt
of it. I actually took the trouble to type it out.

********************************
Friends, when you are in the midst of temptation, the first thing you've gotta think about is the truth, that God is faithful. Don't' let your mind go to "I don't wanna do this". Don't let the first thing you think about be "Oh, I don't wanna get into trouble". Don't even make the first stop the consequences of sin, although you should deal with that reality.

The first thing you should think about when in the midst of temptation, when your heart is drawn away from the Lord, is to think about how good God is. It's to think that HE IS FAITHFUL - God is faithful. And it doesn't matter that all the emotions in your heart are shouting the opposite, those feelings are lying to you, the truth is in the word of God - GOD IS FAITHFUL.

He IS faithful.

He's being faithful to you right now.

And don't measure God's faithfulness by the ease of your life. Don't measure God's faithfulness by a headache-free existence. Don't measure God's faithfulness by a conflict-free relationship. Don't measure God's faithfulness by what you see in your life - How easy your life is, how nice your life is. Measure God's faithfulness by the cross of Jesus Christ. That is where you are to look. God who did not spare His own son so that our sins can be forgiven. Jesus who laid down His life while we were yet sinners and rebels against him - That's the depth of God's love. That's the measure of God's love. Measure the faithfulnes of GOd by His promises - That he would never leave us nor forsake us. He will always be with us. God is faithful. Cling to that truth, because when you are looking on and gazing on a faithful God, when you are recalling all of His faithfulness in your life, our sin is a pale, empty thing, when you are gazing upon that God. That God who has never done anything but good to you.

Our brothers and sisters, He never promised us a pain-free existence. He never promised us a life that was free of suffering. Jesus went to the cross to redeem us from our suffering, so that we can have hope in the midst of suffering. You might be in the midst of a trial - God is using that for your good. God is with you. He is faithful.
*****************************************

-Joshua Harris, Covenant Life Church

A marriage bashing joke

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top

I had a tough day

Frankly, I did.

To start it off, I fucked up a tender (if you will pardon the language, I'll explain later). I got repremanded by the boss for it, although it was partially his fault. So says Zack.

Secondly, I got "persecuted" in cell group. This one I'll explain later as well - You'll see the pieces coming together.

Thirdly, a slightly unpleasant scene happened on the way home from cell group. Here's how it goes, approximately:

Friend, wife and I want to get a cab back from cell group. Cab 1 stops right in front of us, but had a plate that said Jurong. We were going towards town. Friend jumped into the cab anyway, and cabbie refuses to take him, especially after he said he wanted to stop off in Bt Merah to pick something up. Friend reluctantly gets out of the cab, and did not shut the door properly as he left. Cabbie reached over to shut the door, and I helped him. Friend stopped me, saying that he did it intentionally because the cabbie was an asshole. He goes on to complain that cabbies in Singapore are inconsiderate, because they don't get out of the car to help him with pram. He says it's their responsibility - part of their job, and most of them have attitude problems. I could not take it any longer and told him that he shouldn't be behaving this way, especially just after coming from cell group. (Obviously there will be people who will protest to this, but hold your tongues, let me finish my story.)

Cab 2 came along not long after. We told him we wanted to stop at 2 places, and he sheepishly told us he has another "call" (which means pickup) soon after, and cannot possibly do both stops. Friend later says that "he *says* he has a call, but I didn't hear him pick up the phone", essentially saying the fellow is lying. At this point I didn't bother to correct him anymore.

Here's the part where I explain everything.

What happened in cell group that caused me to be "persecuted" was essentially that I shared a very harsh, honest and unflattering view of my own spiritual life. I told them how I was at a peculiar stage of my life where I was very far away from God and not willing to go back. Apparently this confession was abhorrant to most Christians, so I was not surprised that I had a mini-counselling cum lecture cum bible teaching cum warning cum prayer thing going on. I started to feel the pall of everyone's pity hanging over me like an accursed curtain. I should have said that everything was peaches. It would have been just another lie, no big deal. But I didn't. For some reason, I didn't.

I've always been someone who's very self-aware. I know exactly what's going on, the sort of psychoses that I have, my sort of personality, and the likely way that I would respond in any given situation. And I guess I tend to be rather harsh on myself, in the same measure that I am harsh on others. And I didn't want to be another one of those hypocrites in our midst:-

- the people who would at one moment profess to love God and have compassion on the unreached and do missions, and another moment criticise and bully poor cabbies. My boss who is a non-christian, a pathological liar, and a worshipper of Mammon would not even do this.

- christian ministry staff who are openly defiant to their bosses and people to whom they are indirectly accountable to

- professing christians who are confrontational and very much itching for a fight at every given moment, and who use insulting/hurtful/unedifying words

- professing christians who go through the motions of going to church, attending chapel, reading the bible etc, and who are vengeful and vindictive to co-workers and subordinates

These are just a few examples of "christians" that I know. So I hope you'll forgive me if I opt not to stumble my pre-believing friends. I believe that Christians have a heavy cross to bear (figuratively speaking) in witnessing to their friends through the unsaid rather than the said, and the responsibility weighs on them. Paul, in his epistle to the Corinthians, told them that eating meat sacrificed to idols was acceptable, because idols are simply statues, and food is food. But if your action of eating meat sacrificed to idols can cause someone who is a young christian to believe that you are sinning, then the Apostle has this to say:

"For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall." (1 Cor 8:9-13)

Of course, the more biblically schooled among you will tell me that this passage is about the difference in treatment of information for mature vis-a-vis immature christians. And in some sense, that is right as well. But I'm interpreting this from another angle, not that the above hypocritical behaviours are alright as long as it is done in front of mature christians.

In a nutshell, this explains my earlier expletive. Because it feels good to swear. Because anger releases me. Because gossip relieves me of bordom. Because I want to complain about others. Because I sometimes want to show disdain. Because I know I can do a better job. Because I don't want to be bound by others' expectations. Because I'm a backslided Christian.

But whatever it is, the foundation is there. The God I know is safely tucked away in my heart. The experiences that I have had with God are undeniable. I can continue sinning. I can consciously or unconsciously reject God. I don't know if I'll go to heaven for pushing God's grace to the limit the way I do. Perhaps not. But God's grace is.. God's grace. I have experienced that irresistable lure. I know that I'll return someday. When I return, it will be for the love of God, not for the clamouring of eternal life.

This might not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. I wish to escape the expectations of being a christian, yet go about my life trying to make little impacts on others. If I slip, I slip. At least I would tell them that real christians won't behave the way I do - they are held to a higher - an eternal - standard. If I don't slip, well, I can always look for an opportunity to share. Yes, christians are not perfect, but we can certainly try to behave better. Once I can muster up the humility to obey God...

Well, we'll cross that one when we come to it.

Wah steady lor!

For some reason that post didn’t post. Anyway, here it is again.

These guys mean business...  Good stuff.  Har har.

BEIJING (Reuters) - Hundreds of armed men clashed with about 300 migrant workers on strike against a power company in southern China, injuring 11, state media reported on Monday.

The migrants, who had stopped work at the end of last week to demand four months' of unpaid wages, accused the owner of the company in Heyuan city, Guangdong province, of paying 200 to 300 people to attack them.

"The first batch of about 50 gangsters came with spades in their hands, and the second batch had axes, steel pipes and sabres, and there were more behind them," the official Xinhua news agency quoted one worker as saying.

A Heyuan city government spokesman told Xinhua that one of the workers was in critical condition.

Rights groups say China's estimated 200 million migrant workers -- who in recent years have flocked from the vast, poor countryside to the booming cities -- often lack health care, may have their pay withheld and are vulnerable to exploitation.

Amnesty International criticised the government in a recent report for not doing enough to protect migrant workers from the widespread and institutionalised discrimination they face.

Xinhua said police had detained four employees of Fuyuan Hydropower Development Co. after the incident.

However, the Heyuan city spokesman denied that there had been a mass assault, saying it involved about 30 migrant workers and other company staff.

Local media denounced the incident in unusually strongly worded editorials, alleging collusion between the power firm and local government officials, and drawing parallels with the recent furore over forced labour in brick kilns in the north.

[Update]: Reports indicate that one guy died from this fracas.