This was what we were doing during the trading window.

CY: i c

CY: u c?

Me: i c

CY: i c

Me: u c?

CY: w c

Me: i c

CY: f c

CY: u k

Me: i c

CY: i c ( oIo )

Me: See who's olo?

CY: looks a bit like ultraman

Me: Tsk tsk.

CY: oIo is ultraman'

CY: dun think dirty

Me: Hahaha. You need the rest of the face lor.

CY: a bit difficult

Me: (olo)

Me: ?

Me: More like

Me: If you do ( olo ) looks like frog.

CY: (oIo) also looks like a x wing fighter in star wars...

Me: WTF you tokking?

CY: u imbecile

CY: i m bored

CY: how

Me: Ah I know wat you can do.

Me: You can lower your chickenshit offer.

The Amazing Bobbi Brown Incident

I think I have this tendency to attract trouble wherever I go. Take today for example.

I went for a Bobbi Brown make up class today, to educate myself on the finer points in face painting. I was told that I was in desperate need of a session in this. No matter.

The session went well and I was getting along smashingly with the makeup artist attached to me. In fact, I think she liked me so much that when I complained of having no luck at all, especially in lucky draws (I was entitled to a lucky draw), she offered to draw on my behalf *hint hint wink wink*

I didn't understand what she meant initially but told her to go ahead anyway because she can't possibly do worse than I. So she shook the box a bit, poked around inside, and "drew" me a prize.

Now at this point some of you might accuse me of abetting this sort of behaviour which is clearly wrong, but let's be honest: who doesn't like the odds to be tipped in their favour once in a while? And this is coming from the sort of person who wins the most miserable prize in a sure win draw, and in a draw where there is no guaranteed winner, would almost always walk away with nothing. I was grateful for the nice gesture on Ariel's (that's her name) part. After all, she had nothing to gain from it.

It turned out that our little fiasco was witnessed by this stupid bitch in line in front of me (let’s call her Stupid Bitch). If I had witnessed something like that, I would have just smiled and kept to myself. It takes nothing away from my experience by keeping quiet, and I gain nothing by telling on her. Clearly, she did not think this way because she started kicking up a huge ruckus, involving a few of Ariel's colleagues and customers. And I am ashamed to say that while the ruckus was being kicked, I stood in line playing with my iPhone (the iPhone is evil!), pretending not to hear the commotion around me. I did nothing to defend Ariel, protect or restore her. Remember, she did it for me. I think this lack of action on my part initially is going to haunt me in the coming weeks.

Let’s leave justice aside for a moment. We as Christians talk incessantly about mercy. We talk about protecting the downtrodden, about how the meek shall inherit the earth, about how the poor in spirit are blessed. We speak of being champions of righteousness, yet when confronted with a situation where I could have made a real difference to the little girl who was shedding tears in fear because of what the Stupid Bitch might do to her career, I did nothing. I was a coward. It was not my proudest moment.

It took me a while to collect my wits and realize that she was crying. It was then that it occurred to me that she had been so afraid, trying to explain away something to which she had no defence (to be honest, she *did* try to give me an unfair advantage). It was at that moment when she brushed aside tears while trying to ring up another order did it occur to me what I had failed to do.

It was too late, but I hunted the Stupid Bitch down and offered to let her witness me returning the lucky draw prize. I made her promise not to report on Ariel, but that was all I could do. I could not ensure that Stupid Bitch keeps to her promise because there really isn’t much I can do to keep track. I gave Ariel my business card, and told her to give me a call anytime should this matter ever come up again, for any reason, and that I would back her up. I didn’t, but I should have apologized for my earlier inaction.

I need to react faster. Sometimes the best outcomes depend on this.

Staring incidents

I get unnerved easily. You might not know it, and I guess until yesterday it didn't really occur to me why it is that I didn't like a particular guy in church much.

He stares. Not in a glaring sort of way, but when he speaks, he holds your gaze for about 15 seconds AFTER you finish answering his question. That makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I used to have a friend in uni who does that. I asked him why it was that he would look at someone for an extended period of time, and he just replies, "it's courtesy to look at someone when they talk what". Which *is* true....

Then why is it that I feel more violated (for lack of a better word) than with normal people who speak to you, make eye contact but glance away once in a while?

Irritating Analyst

So yesterday began the annual eat-drink-and-make-merry week for the petroleum world, also known as APPEC. It happened the way it normally does, really, with serpents (double headed and otherwise) descending upon several nominated ballrooms across central Singapore, making ostentatious merry in true fat-cat fashion. For me, I went there to meet new people, gather intel and catch up with old friends.

That would be considered business as usual, and will not merit a post in itself. But I met this REALLY #&*^$(#&^#$ irritating analyst guy, and I simply had to blog about it. It started when I interrupted a 3-man group setting, initially intending to bug my friend to stop jabbering and leave for the next party, and to grab the other guy in the ballroom so we can set off for Raffles Hotel. As a matter of courtesy, my friend introduced me to the other 2 in the group, and this guy standing across from me introduced himself and launched into what-do-you-do questions, and when he found out that I was an analyst, he immediately sank his hooks in and started grilling me. Not satisfied that we were about 1 metre apart, he came over to stand beside me and started asking me about my view on the market AND EVERYTHING!!!

Now if you’ve never been an analyst, you probably won’t quite understand why I felt so violated. You see, to form a view, analysts such as I take huge amounts of data and crunch numbers all day. We try our best to extract information from our sources based on the goodwill that we’ve received over past interactions (this involves lots and lots of drinking sessions where I slowly but surely destroy my liver). People don’t simply give information like that. This market is completely opaque. My friend, a buy-side investment banker, pores through huge stacks of annual reports in order to make a single buy/sell/hold recommendation. Another guy studied 6 years for his PhD, and condensed his final thesis into a single A4 sized paper. Though clearly not of that calibre, I do still feel the pinch.

So that one view that we have, such as “crude is going to recover”, has, supporting it, copious amounts of S&D data, research work, hours of talking to people, many favours claimed. So you can expect my inner turmoil when he asked me questions about my view: Should I reply him so as to impress him and sound smart (I know the naturally neurotic part of me does)? Or should I tell him that I really don’t know, and “analyst” in my company is another name for glorified admin staff. Or should take the middle ground and just give him a shallow overview of what my real view is? This was the option I chose, and clearly, it was the wrong tack to take. Eventually I had to cut loss by quickly saying that I have to go say hi to someone else and running for dear life.

So this morning, to continue with the BBQ fest, he started the yahoo-grilling with this:

IA (irritating analyst): morning
IA: [Bank] FO guy
IA: how are you?

I of course replied with trite polite remarks [not the wisest move].

Me: Hi there.. Good.
Me: Was nice meeting you yesterday.

Move to establish contact,

IA: so do I
IA: lets keep in contact
Me: Sure.

…and we’re off

IA: before in [pretentious American bank], what were you doing?
Me: Before that I was in school..

I tried to turn the heat back on him, unsuccessfully.

Me: You? Before [huge oil major] what did you do?
IA: hahaha
IA: in [huge oil major] I was opearting gasoline cargoes and refinery supply planner

Because the scud missiles came right back.

IA: i meant in [pretentious American bank] what did you do?
Me: I was an analyst in [pretentious American bank].

I took the longest time possible to respond to his yahoos, and after a while, I decided to pull the plug on this conversation.

Me: Sorry for the delayed response. Quite busy.

An Interlude

This was quite a funny conversation I had with a friend. I don't know why it's so funny, but here it is. A little toilet humour for the afternoon.

Tan: think SL racist
Tan: he didnt want to be alone in a hotel room in the middle of the night with an aneh cha bor
Me: He scared kenna assraped ah?
Tan: nope
Tan: he scared he come home with coconut oil smell

Then we talked about SL's wife..

Tan: no la she's fierce n has his balls in her hand
Tan: when they walk together
Tan: she leads him by the testicles

Vietnam - Part 1

Vietnam

I think it's about time to make good my promise to update at least one of my trips, and I shall start with the earlier one - Vietnam!

Frankly I didn't quite enjoy Hanoi as much as I'd thought I would. I actually returned from the trip more exhausted than I had left for it.

It was a 3-day-2-night trip and I had arrived in Hanoi on a Thursday night - 8pm. The itinerary was to tour the area and acclimatize myself as well as scout for travel deals for a 2D1N trip to Halong Bay, one of the must-not-miss sights in the outskirts of Hanoi. According to the conceirge at my hotel, most of the local sights (at least those that require some sort of admission into some sort of building) were closed on Fridays. Since I had only budgeted for 1 day to do the city tour, that left me with no choice but to book the Halong Bay trip for the next day, and tour Hanoi city when I return. And here's the kicker: ALL the tour agencies were closed by 8pm. So left with not much in the way of choice, I had to book the trip with the hotel.

2 reasons why that was the W-R-O-N-G move.

1. I got ripped off by a good USD $25-35, depending on whether you choose to believe that the dodgy travel agency is farming out the trip to a more experienced company and not doing it themselves, or not.

2. The "tour agency" at my hotel treated me REALLY REALLY shabbily. I shall explain point 2.

From Hanoi city to the wharf where we take a junk boat to Halong Bay is 3 hour bus ride. I had expected to be on the same bus as the two Canadian ladies I had made friends with at breakfast, where we found out we had booked the same trip. BUt no. Since I Was a lone traveller, they took it upon themselves to squeeze me into the front seat of an already-full minivan so as to maximize seating. Not the comfy sort of front seat, mind you. I was squashed between the driver and the tour guide. It was so uncomfortable that it's seriously not funny. And naturally, the ang moh ladies sat in some other comfy van lah.

You know the important thing about travelling solo, kids, is to make friends. This widens your horizons and allows you to meet new people and learn interesting stuff about their culture. So imagine my irritation when my new friends were callously ripped away from me (though I don't think they felt a similar connection, but hey! I was alone and needy!). I was too shocked to protest, and by the time I had recovered from that, I was already in the van.

Like any streetsmart traveller worth her salt, I quickly bounced back and got to know 3 Kiwis - Eamann, Caroline and Steve. (No I didn't go to the local Cold Storage and buy fruits. Kiwis are people from New Zealand.) And don't ask me why I hang out with the angmohs. Seriously, it wasn't intentional. Eamann (pronounced eh-men) was really nice and super friendly. Even when we played cards and Steve was trash-talking him and he was losing rather badly, he was really good natured about everything. When Steve was like, "Eamann, may I have your XXX card (which was the final card to cement Steve's utter and absolute victory)", Eamann was like, "yes you may". I'd be like, "KNN WTF you wanna take my card. No! I'm not giving you my fkg card. In fact, I'm not playing with you anymore! &*#@#$^@%" and so on.

So we hung out. And to be fair, Halong Bay was breathtaking. Pause for pictures.

Back to my narration about how I got stiffed by the Vietnamese.

When I booked the trip with the moron at Conceirge, I chose to stay in a shared room, because it would otherwise be an additional USD17 to sleep in a room by myself, and I didn't mind a room mate to get to know. I had asked specifically if it would be a female room mate. "Yeah yeah, of course", said the moron.

So imagine my surprise - wait, make that horror - when I found out that I was going to share a room with a greasy haired PRC-looking 40-year-old-looking man. I was apparently not the only one horrified by the prospect, because Eamann was raising hell about how that arrangement was completely ludicrous. I actually said that I would pay the additional USD17 for the single room. The tour guide protested, saying that they didn't have any more rooms available. (It turned out that there were 3 more empty rooms on the junk, so believe you me, I don't understand why he said that.) In any case, after Eamann's hissy fit, I got to stay in a double room by myself, *grinz*, at no additional charge, *double grinz*. So at least one effort to mistreat me was thwarted. Vietnamese kow tow to the angmohs, it seems.

Our little group of 4 grew to include 3 Brit girls and an American guy. We had shitloads of fun and on the last day, the tour guide came up to the group and pointed to me. "You'll be taking another van on the way back". Now, obviously surprised that I was singled out yet again to be ill treated, I was more or less mute (As you can tell, my reflexes aren't great, and I have the word PATSY tatooed in invisible ink on my forehead.) I dumbly and quite impotently asked, "Why me?". Tour guide chuckled, "If you come into the van, we'll have to tie you to the roof because there's no space. Hur hur." It's really not that funny. And not a good explanation too, since he could have asked the greasy haird solo traveller instead. He clearly didn't make any friends during the trip. I didn't put up much of a fight, and obediently went along. And because of my quick departure, I didn't manage to grab the contact details from any of my new found friends. *cue sad violin music*

The story is long, and I'm gonna just call this part 1. Stay tuned to part 2.

Yeah, go on your stupid vacation

As has been the trend lately since my new colleague joined recently, I got bullied at work today. Naturally I was extremely angsty.

This is an exerpt of a conversation between a friend and I today, about that LB (lying bastard - He has a dishonest streak)

Me: Yay! LB next week gone!
YC: where he gg
Me: I dunno and I dun give a fk.
Me: I hope he goes to Afghanistan.
Me: Or west bank.
Me: Or nigeria.
Me: Stay at a hotel near the pipelines.
YC: doesnt take very much to make u happi hor
Me: Hahha. Yeah. I not very ambitious.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Directions

At drinks, I mentioned to my CEO that I wouldn't mind a one-year internship in the US. He surprised me by actually thinking that that'd be a good idea. If he follow through on that (which would be a HUGE surprise), I'll be packing my bags for LA.

Part of me wishes BP or Shell or really, some *other* independent, would hurry up and offer me a jr positon. Part of me wishes the LA thing'll really happen.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Accenture's Ad for Dress code at work place

We had this quite funny email exchange, that started with this email, which I had forwarded to everyone.

Accompanying the email, I had written:
Ronnie cannot work in Accenture. (Ronnie typically wears quite revealing clothes.)

Josiah replies:
Hmm I know of a place Ronnie can work at…3rd floor! (It's a sleazy KTV)

Gin answers:
but...... only during this month she can work there (for posterity, this month is the hungry ghost month)

Naturally Ronnie was *not* very happy with the e-suanning. Wahahhaa.

Dream jobs and such

Was just talking to Adrian. I love his enthusiasm. Just the pertinent bits though. I don't want him to stop talking to me thinking everything he says will be published! Hahah!

Adrian Koh says: need to work hard to be there. it's like being at the forefront playing with emerging tech and new ideas.
Eelin says: Hahha. Sounds like a playground for you! You know that they say if you love your job, you don't have to work a single day in your life.
Adrian Koh says: you'll be compelled to work every single moment,really, but all that time you won't believe that somone is actually paying you for it

Wow. Can you believe that feeling? What bliss! My job borders on what
is my dream job. But not. quite. there. yet.

Star signs

Very long never have funny conversations with Gin. Here's one.

Me:

Gin: what are u star sign wise?
Me: Wahaha. Why? Make a guess.
Gin: dunno.. cancer?
Gin: hahahahahahaha
Me: Wahahha. Ass.
Gin: pisces(ofshit?)

I dunno about you, but I thought that was bloody hilarious.

Generalisations

I've kept this for a while now. I didn't know how to say it or have the appropriate examples. At times I think it could've been simply yet another peeve of mine (I have many). But you know, heck it. I'll just come right out and say it.

Don't you just hate it when people always categorise certain attributes to a certain gender? I HATE that! After all these years of women's liberation, educated people relegate themselves to these archiac excuses to condone their actions! Preposterous.

Women think too much.
No, idiot! People who are thoughtful tend to think too much! People who are suspicious tend to think too much! People who are cunning tend to think too much! People who are paranoid tend to think too much!

Woman aren't that ambitious.
WTF WTF WTF!!! Then what's this thing about me vexing about my job and worrying about politics here if the point isn't to get promoted? YOU aren't ambitious. Stop applying it to your entire gender.

Women tend only to envy other women's external appearance rather than their inner qualities like intelligence etc.
That only applies to you, you shallow biatch.

These are just some of the inconceivable statements I've heard recently. Not an exhaustive list, but certainly a few of the more preposterous claims thus far.

Gaaaaahhh!!!!

What my taxi driver just did? He took his hands OFF the wheel, and STRETCHED! A good 5 seconds! At 105 km/h!!!

Goodbye, cruel world!

A peeve I'd recently developed

I hate it when cabbies speak on the phone in loud voices while driving. Case in point: my cabbie right NOW. AND he speaks in Vietnamese, obviously sharing some hilarious joke with the chap on the other end and driving at 30km/h instead of overtaking the slowpoke in front of us while I'm shitting bricks wondering if I'll miss my flight. Did I mention he's holding the phone with one hand thus ALSO endangering my life. Yeah he is.

Yes, I'm in Vietnam. Will update (crossing fingers) when I return.

Grrr

Don't you hate it when people tell you stuff like, "eh you have a pimple on your nose"?

Like srsly, I won't know that I have a pimple on my nose and have to rely on your astute observation from seeing me all of 1 hour at lunch once a week?

Just shaddap and eat.

Suffering

I have a tummy ache. CY should theoretically have a tummyache too cuz I had lunch with him.

Me: You got tummy ache anot?
CY: no leh
Me: I got.
CY: cos u r D.U.D
CY: i ate exactly way u ate incl the chai latte
Me: Hahah.
Me: That's why I ask you leh.
Me: How ah?
Me: Wat could be the problem?
CY: pregnant?
Me: Wah immaculate conception.
Me: Means you better start confessing your sins.
CY: my greatest sins are my good looks and supreme intellect
CY: make everyone else live their lives in shame
CY: i cause suffering
CY: forgive me

Well done CY.

Racism

So can someone explain to me, in the light of how our ancestors had been treated, the proliferation of SPGs in Singapore?

On July 17, the California legislature quietly approved a landmark bill to apologize to the state's Chinese-American community for racist laws enacted as far back as the mid–19th century Gold Rush, which attracted about 25,000 Chinese from 1849 to 1852. The laws, some of which were not repealed until the 1940s, barred Chinese from owning land or property, marrying whites, working in the public sector and testifying against whites in court. The new bill also recognizes the contributions Chinese immigrants have made to the state, particularly their work on the Transcontinental Railroad.

Source: Time magazine
(http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1911981,00.html?)

Goodbye 308

YC tells me that it's been a while since I'd posted. There's so much that happened between my last post and now, and most of which I can't really share, at least not in this medium. I'll make an effort to post a little more in the future; just thoughts and silly things. In the meantime, this is a post from one of my favourite blogs, the owner of an ice cream shop in Ireland.

"I heard some sad news from Colm, the farmer who delivers us our Kerry Cow Milk, and that is that one of his Kerry cows, the one in the photo above, has died suddenly a week after giving birth. She was known as 308, not the prettiest name, perhaps, but she was a pretty cow, and I had many photos of her. It's easy to forget, when there's milk coming in, that there are animals behind it all, and so today I'll lift a cone
to the memory of the pretty 308."

Yes, it's easy to forget, when times are good, that getting to where we are isn't the single act of one person. It is the combined effort of a galaxy of people who love us.

A passage that moved me today.

I came across this passage in this book I'm currently reading, "The Year of Living Biblically". It's this hilarious book about one man's attempt to follow all of the Bible's rules as literally as possible. The book is not religious, mostly humour, but this bit touched me today, and I wanted to keep it here for posterity.

 

Today I'm taking a rest from a walk on a set of stairs near the Jaffa Gate. Or maybe near the Lion's Gate. I'm not sure. Frankly, I'm lost. But I'm resting here on the stone steps, which are cool and shaded and have a bumpy surface that makes them look like a Rice Krispies treat.

 

I have my head bowed and my eyes closed. I'm trying to pray, but my mind is wandering. I can't settle it down. It wanders over to an Esquire article I just wrote. It wasn't half bad, I think to myself. I liked that turn of phrase in the first paragraph.

 

And then I am hit with a realization. And hit is the right word- it felt like a punch to my stomach. Here I am being prideful about creating an article in a midsize American magazine. But God-if He exists-He created the world. He created flamingos and supernovas and geysers and beetles and the stones for these steps I'm sitting on.

 

"Praise the Lord," I say out loud.

 

I'd always found the praising-God parts of the Bible and my prayer books awkward. The sentences about the all-powerful, almighty, all-knowing, the host of hosts, He who has greatness beyond our comprehension. I'm not used to talking like that. It's so over the top. I'm used to understatement and hedging and irony. And why would God need to be praised in the first place? God shouldn't be so insecure. He's the ultimate being.

 

Now I can sort of see why. It's not for him. It's for us. It takes you out of yourself and your prideful little brain.

On religion and philosophy

I recently came across a chat I had with Adrian. It was really quite illuminating; it wasn't just the subject matter (homosexuality, religion and the existence of God) but also my thoughts on them. Reading it, I was surprised at my own clarity of thought on paper, and some of these beliefs that I held in me that was coaxed out in the discussion. Adrian is a very good conversationalist, because he's one of those rare people that actually isn't just consumed with getting his point across, but also willing to listen to yours.

 

On homosexuality

Me: Do you think that it's a nature thing? I'm kinda convinced it is..

Adrian: that God created them gay? if that is so, then the bible has a serious flaw. here's a startling fact: they have linked homosexuality with the use of plastic baby bottles. apparently, a substance called "BPA" and Phthalates inhibit male hormones - potentially causing effeminism and homosexual tendencies

Me: There's this thing that's recently been coined silent evidence. It's a long story, but basically, the gist of it is this: Imagine people stuck on a rowboat in a storm. They prayed, and were saved, and went on shore telling about the goodness and mercy of God. And thaat He exists. But there is a problem with this assumption, because what about those guys who prayed to God and still died? That's not part of the sample. I know I know, there are plenty of examples proving God and all. It's the same with the twin study to study gay tendencies. They advertised in gay magazines, and because of that their sample populations are compromised. I don't think that people willingly want to become gay. It's an alternative lifestyle, and most gay Christians who continue to be faithful to God are leading miserable lives (I expect) because they are suppressing their tendencies.. Because of this, although I cannot conclude that homosexuality is innate, but I am tending more towards that.

Adrian: yah, that's exactly what my friend said. gay-converted Christians have to live with the fact that part of them will always be attracted to men. not sure if that constitutes to miserable, but it's definitely a struggle. i don't know. I'm thinking it's a choice thing. but i can see how they don't feel so, just as i did not have a choice ( in a sense) to be heterosexual, they didn't have  choice to be attracted to the same sex

Me: Yeah, That's what I mean. And I see that this tendency was not restricted to modern times and it's also recorded in the Bible.

Adrian: anyway, God condemns it and all. if that is true that it is nature - then God's justice is warped, no? and if we cannot count on him to nail down sexual matters, then what of salvation? i recently had a really long discussion with a presbyterian on predestination, and i came out of it more disillusioned than ever. but, that's a long story.

 

On the truth of the Bible

Me: Yes, I've come to terms with predestination. I think that Christianity is either made up, corrupted, God isn't all-good, our conception of justice is not quite right, or there's more that we don't know.

Adrian: hey, you know about that predestination thing, doesn't that mess up faith and everything, like not knowing who God is? seeing how there's this shifty idea of "good" and "just" and all.

Me: Yeah. My faith isn't absolute. It changes with changing information. And the thing about me is that I question, and I doubt. And I believe that science, should corroborate with the stories in the bible.

Adrian: doubting's good, because it means you care. if you didn't care, nothing would matter, don't you think? but yeah. science has a knack of making the bible look bad. okay, 80% of the time, that is

Me: Yeah..  I think that it's about accepting that there are discrepancies, and deciding if these discrepencies are important. Immaculate conception – IMPORTANT! I can't figure that one out yet though. In the absence of evidence, it's just faith.

Adrian: actually, any discrepancy is tough on the bible, because the bible says that scripture is perfect

Me: Then there's a question if the original perfect scripture is the one we hold in our hands and call the Bible. The scripture may be perfect, but it may not be the same one we use. There are plenty of questions..

Adrian: which is also trouble, because the bible says that the bible itself is preserved by God somewhere along the way, if the Bible's credibility is called into question - any part of it - God's credibility is affected too. it's like, there's no middle ground for this. i dunno. i'm screwed up in that way too

Me: So the bible cannot be questioned? The thing is that our entire faith is built around this book. Questions that we have cannot be proved emperically. If the basic premise that the bible is preserved is wrong, then we're in trouble. And it's so likely, with scribes making mistakes, persecution etc, for the bible NOT to be faithful to the original. And it becomes a circular reference.

Adrian: yeah.. see, God himself promises preservation. wanna see the verse?

Me: Because we say God preserves, and the Bible points to God. So if the Bible is not credible, how can we prove that GOd is real? My question is more philosophical.

 

On the existence of God

Adrian: that's my uni major! it's not that God isn't real, it's just that the Bible becomes unreliable in its representation of God? because, if it weren't perfect, then no one would know where to trust it, and where not to. since it's all unempirical and all, or rather, unverifiable

Me: Yeah. THat's what I mean. And the very promises we stand on are shaky.

Adrian: So, as many of the atheists are saying, you can't be sure, then why are you using the ten commandments as a basis for creating legislation? are you so certain in your faith that you can deny millions of cancer patients stem cell treatments?  can you justify stalling responsibly genetically modified food from saving millions of starving people? when i read sam harris' book "letters to a christian nation", i was floored. very, very hard to answer. but then i realised, there's a great counter to that: Can Sam Harris offer an alternative, that doesn't end in anarchy and hedonism, and unethical practices?

Me: But it could just be that our human inclination is to determine that there IS an alternative. Maybe there isn't, and we're all headed straight to hell. Or wherever it is if hell doesn't exist. Moral and ethical standards apart from God's unchanging ones are an illusion, and change with better arguments, or more compelling reasons.

Adrian: so God's standards are outdated, your're saying? because God used to approve of dashing babies against rocks

Me: No, I'm playing devil's advocate here. I'm saying if there is no God.

Adrian: ah. yeah, if there isn't, all this is nonsense

Me: Because you're saying can you provide an alternative to God's commands.

Adrian: but i guess there's a human pining for (1) someone out there, (2) someone who cares. yah. but there isn't any alternative, see. there's no other standard apart from those outlined in popular organised religion which actually tells atheists something, since they believe that there's no God - the majority of humans have a capacity for good, or rather so called "God-like goodness", which means it is possible to agree on some basic principles of ethics

Me: Yes I think so. But ethics is not God.

 

On whether God is good

Adrian: my philo tutor asked me this, "What if God is not Good?" before i totally lost my mind, he answered, "well, that's not possible, because God is Good, Good is God, and the two are inseparable. Such that, we can only define evil as something that is "not God". ethics may not be God, but they are intimately linked

Me: well, that's not possible, because God is Good, Good is God, and the two are inseparable. ß Why? I don't study philo, and am a bit slow on the uptake. So explain why please..

Adrian: that's because the Bible says so

Me: See? Circular reference!

Adrian: exactly

Me: Hahah.

Adrian: but really, He has to be. God has to be good defined, since he is perfect, so it does make sense for God to be good, and good to be God. it's like how marriage, by definition, is a union between man and woman. no lobby can change that.

Me: Hm. You're bound by your religious conceptions I think. If God is just defined as a higher being, rather than perfect, this can hold.

Adrian: exactly. he is defined as perfect in the bible. but this assumes that the same god that the bible talks is entirely right about himself. if not, he would just be like a greek god

Me: Yes, referring to the Bible again. Which, if God isn't perfect, won't hold. I could write a book saying how perfect I am. And perpetuate the myth. The book isn't telling the truth, and neither am I.

Adrian: yeah. for all we know, he could just be an alien guy with loads of powers, like what the mormons believe. even if it's half true, like you being born on 30th Jan 1956, then the book would still be a unreliable source to find out who you are. so i guess your issue is that you can't trust that the Bible is true? mine is that i'm having monumental difficulty trusting God

Me: Not really. I'm just stating that our entire faith is based essentially on this one book. Like balancing an entire building on the foundation of one tile. Trusting God? Trusting that He's good?

Adrian: trusting that he is all he says he is. Christ is the Solid Rock I stand, All Other Things Are Sinking Sand. it's one book, but pundits would say that it's a really big book, or a really big tile

Me: And the justification for that?

Adrian: That Christ is a living person, and that he died and rose again, historically proven, apparently

Me: I'm not sure about the "rose again".

Adrian: history only proves he lived, though. not that he died and rose

Me: Yup.

Adrian: muslims insist that the romans were confused and crcucified judas instead

 

On life’s philosophy

Me: Haha. Right. That's quite an interesting theory. I think the journey of faith is just that you see. Each step you take is a step of faith. You just have to make a decision in the face of all the noise around you. And if evidence appears contrary, evaluate as you would any scientific piece of evidence.

Adrian: that's a good life philosophy. wonder if it's worth sacrificing life and limb for? i ask that because i once considered being a front line missionary

Me: I think of it this way.. Something like Pascal's wager. If there is no God and there is no other religion, then what matters is how you feel when you're alive. And if you think being a frontline missionary is living for a cause, that would be your satisfaction, and you'd think it was a life well lived. If there IS a God, then you'd have earned your eternal reward. I think only the people who stand outside look at the delusional and feel pity. The delusional himself doesn't feel the same sort of pity for himself.

Adrian: haha... ending an argument on Pascal's wager! :) then it is all up to perception then. No absolutes, and reality is what you make of it.

Me: Yes, that's basically the cynical way of viewing it. But for obvious reasons, living your life hedging your bets is not the best way to live a passionate life. So I'd say pick a side, live it out, but don't be a blind fool. Know what you've gotten yourself into and constantly be aware of the odds.

 

I think that as I go through life, I refine my views on God. Sometimes I think I'm a bit more harsh with myself and with God and Christianity in general, but sometimes these more sobering counter-faith thoughts help me to strengthen my faith, and the questions help me to dig deep into my own beliefs, and the truth of the God I know, or believe to know.