Supposed-to-be-studying-chronicles Part 3

I'm sitting here thinking how to fail my exam in the most glorious way.
Crash and burn, they call it. Perhaps I'll write something amusing to
entertain the person marking my question, and in the process salvage
some marks, and some dignity. I toyed with the idea of just writing one
line before walking out of the exam hall: "You guys should really get
those sticks out of your assess and start having a life". But I paid
money for this exam lah. I'm conservative like that. A bit of that
accountant streak got into me from all this studying.

I suspect that I put myself through this because I like the adrenalin
rush from going into an exam hall without being prepared at all. That
would also explain why it is that I study outdated syllabus, why I was
out playing the whole day when I should be mugging away, why I'm writing
this post when my paper is just 3 hours away, and why I watched CSI when
I was supposed to be on my one-week hiatus.

One of my more beneficial dreams

I had a rather vivid dream last night about market structure and the price of oil. Then I dreamt about my friend an oil trader running his own company who punted on the flat price which went up 300 bucks since he entered into position, and how the out of control crude might bankrupt him. (This is true by the way. I mean about him punting flat price, not him being bankrupt. Thankfully!) And a strangely firm resolve not to punt flat price unless I'm sure of its direction.

Yes, I've been on leave and I know crude's gone down. Dreams don't have logic.

Supposed-to-be-studying-chronicles Part 1

Staying home studying for the exams can be really really boring. Other than the very obvious lack of discipline on my part to just sit down and study, there's the little fact about my 30-minute attention span. I blame my father (he's like that too).

Nevertheless, I've managed to make some progress, so we'll just have to see how this goes. I think that at this stage in my career, the objective isn't really to get yet another degree or certification, but to learn, and admittedly, sitting down for hours upon hours studying this material is tough, but learning is its own reward. I'm not entirely confident that I'm learning the right stuff. My notes were from 2005 - That's 3 budget speeches ago, but hey. Doesn't matter. :)

Was just logging on to the office computer to do some work cuz I didn't feel like doing the next long question on individual taxation, and had a conversation with a friend that was quite hurting; somewhere near the opening act of our conversation he made a statement: you won't pass the exam. It was unprovoked and, I felt, completely uncalled for. He called it speaking the truth in love. My ass!

I've always told myself to watch my temper, and because of that, I tend to hold myself back a lot more than I do unleash my fury. I have always wanted my temper and its release to be a strategic thing, to get things accomplished, to bring a point across. Because what is the use of venting an anger if it accomplishes nothing but make meetings awkward and makes you unapprochable? So it might seem to some that I'm a pushover. And sometimes people do push boundaries, to see what it takes to incite a reaction.

Some wise person once told me that there exists people in this world whose hearts are seared. I didn't quite know what that meant but I imagine that it had to do with hearts being numb to the point of not being able to feel. In the context of our conversation, he was talking about those that lacked self awareness; who would God-speak yet whose lives are unchanged; who did not have the ability to look into their own lives and to see how God could work there as well. It is not for me to judge, but just to be aware, so that in wisdom I can protect myself.

Do not pray for easier lives, pray to be stronger men.

... Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work will be no miracle, but YOU will be a miracle. ~Phillips Brooks

(Obviously assuming that the task is way above your current ability.)

Life, currently, blows.

Taxidermis - A review

You know how everyone's just reviewing movies on their blog? Problem with me is that I ain't got time to watch a movie. But I'll do my review anyways, just to remain "competitive". And my reviews are always kickass lor. ;)

Friend: eh i watched this movie called taxidermis
Friend: the most fucked up yucky movie ever
Me: Haha. I can expect.
Friend: if u hate someone buy the ticket
Me: Yeah. They'd be 2 hours older after the movie, and none the wiser.
Friend: its crazy man! sick to the core
Me: Gore, violence or nudity?
Friend: all sorts of sick shit
Friend: starts off like a pron flick with this guy masturbating and putting his dick on fire and fucking a dead pig alll sorts of wierd shit then goes to become this eating and vomiting movie
Friend: yuck

A glowing endorsement, methinks. I give it -23 stars.. Out of 5

Kinging it

Was reading this devotional a couple of days ago, and something caught my eye. I guess just because I am who I am, I can't just sit still. I can't do the same thing day after boring day after boring day. Which is why this passage speaks to me. I shall exerpt it.

God knew David had the quality of integrity. Today, we live in a world that says, in many ways, "If you make a good impression, that's really all that matters." But you will never be a man or woman of God if that's your philosophy. Never. You cannot fake it with the Almighty. He is not impressed with externals. He always focuses on the inward qualities, those things that take time and discipline to cultivate. God trained David for a leadership role with four disciplines.

And then Dr. Swindoll talks about the areas in which God trains us in character. The one that caught my eye, and indeed, my conscience, was the third one:

Which leads us to the third training ground, monotony. That's being faithful in the menial, insignificant, routine, unexciting, uneventful, daily tasks of life. Life without a break... without the wine and roses. Just dull, plain L-I-F-E. Just constant, unchanging, endless hours of tired monotony as you learn to be a man or woman of God... with nobody else around, when nobody else notices, when nobody else even cares. That's how we learn to "king it."

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna learn to "king it" by being disciplined; not complaining when the going gets tough, or when the work is menial, or unimportant, or if people treat me with disdain. I will pay attention to the little details and not think that I'm far above all that stuff I'm tasked to do. I'm gonna have a good attitude.

I didn't say I won't lose my patience when people do/say stupid things though.

The hike

Never Saw Blue - Hayley Westenra
Today we took a walk up the street,
We picked a flower and climbed a hill above the lake
Secret thoughts, u said aloud,
We watched the faces in the clouds
Until the clouds have blown away

I wish that was it. The truth is something a little more sombre. We walked in the thick of the night, through some of Singapore's more secluded spots. All in, we walked about 21.4km, and although I *should* feel a sense of accomplishment for it (and I suppose in the deepest recessess of my psyche I do, that sado-masochistic part of me that is), all I feel is pain. Deep, numbing, crippling pain. The muaythai - flu - hike - muaythai combination is slightly punishing for my body, as it turns out.

So this morning, I google-mapped the route, and this was what I found out:


View Larger Map

I didn’t really get the sense that we travelled really far, even though I did remember vaguely learning back in primary school that the width of Singapore is about 20+km. Only after looking at the map was everything put in perspective and it was also then that I realised that we travelled almost a quarter the freakin' circumference of Singapore. I suppose the fact that the guy who suggested this outlandish idea (let’s call him KC) “motivated” us into thinking that it wasn’t that long a distance.

KC: The distance is about 10km
CG: WAAAAAT?? That’s crazy! Such a long distance!! *groan*
KC: Come on! 10km is chicken feed. About 1.5 - 2 hours max?
CG (reluctantly): OKaaaaaay..

On the day of the hike:
Me: Taxi-fare from start point to end point is $12! That’s a really long distance!
KC: Hm. I might have miscalculated. Maybe the distance is about 12-15km.
Me and YK: *faint*

At the end of the hike:
KC: Congratulations! You guys completed 20km!